General anger was a common theme for me. A scowl on my face for no reason I could put my finger on but certainly the result of something or things. In time anger becomes a security blanket I suppose and the reason for it is lost as it just becomes a way of life. Something makes you angry and you hold on to that anger even after you have forgotten what caused it. What a waste of time.
Each day I put on my anger so that it was with me when I drive, gritting my teeth and daring anyone to challenge me. It was there as a kid, used as a front, so that I was perceived as a force. Anger protects and gives an appearance that will hopefully prevent being victimized.
As I stood in the kitchen, a look of anger on my face, she said in a soft voice, “what’s wrong.” I puffed up a little not wanting my wall to crack or show weakness but then there was a smile, even if a smile of slight embarrassment. I knew then it was time. I felt ashamed that my anger was visible to someone I cared about.
Eventually I began to question myself and look for the source of this anger I wore and that at times consumed me. I tried on my own, being aware of it, with some success. Then I tried with outside help and it was that combination of outside help and self-awareness that was the key.
I still get angry and grit my teeth at times but no more than anyone else does. Anger is a natural emotion just like happiness and sadness but there needs to be balance. Now when I am angry I don’t necessarily fight it but I am aware of it and consider the thing that makes me angry. Just yesterday I was trying to merge into traffic and the driver behind me was acting like he wasn’t going to let me over so I called him a MF’r out loud. Of course he couldn’t hear me but I hoped he could make out what I was saying . Right after that I kind of chuckled to myself at the overreaction and felt a little silly. It’s the self-awareness that helps.
Today reminded me of Spring. The temperature got up to 50 degrees and it felt good to breath in the smell of earth. It’s been a while since I’ve seen grass, even if it was wet brown grass it was still nice to see.
There’s a weather advisory starting tonight and lasting until Wednesday evening with a forecast of up to six inches of snow. I hope this is the last of it.
The Matthaei Botanical Gardens in Ann Arbor, MI is my favorite place to photograph flowers. I’m far from an expert in photography or flowers but they have a fantastic variety.
Ann Arbor botanical gardens.
Another bee busy doing his thing at Matthaei Botanical Gardens
The nature trail was hot today and these flowers look almost like they are melting.