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the skinny


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I’m not really discouraged per say about this but I just wish I could gain some muscle weight. When I look at my alien like body in the mirror I want to go eat a pizza because I worry about what others think about me and don’t want to look sickly skinny. For the past few months my weight has remained at 155 which for me is unusual as I have always been the type to gain and drop five pounds in a given week. But today when I stepped on the scale, with all my clothes on and a big ass leather belt, I was at the lower end of 153. No doubt in the nude I would be at the low end of 150 or whatever. My wife made a comment today asking me if I lost weight too. I know she’s sensitive to my own sensitivity concerning my weight and doesn’t mean anything by it but it’s hard for me to hear anything about my weight. This has always resulted in an increase of 20-25 pounds because I get to the point where I just eat whatever I want with no concern for calories, not a place I want to be so balance is very much needed here.

It’s not a matter of a psychical problem causing me to loose weight but rather a mental problem preventing me from eating enough food to maintain a steady weight. This week, for whatever reasons, I have been stressed and feeling generally depressed which for me just takes away my appetite completely. And it’s not even like I feel hungry at all but can’t eat, it’s just that I don’t feel hungry. Today we went to a local coney island and I broke down and got a Reuben w/spinach pie and managed to eat all of it even though the last half of the sandwich didn’t go down easy. Times like these I have to sort of force myself to eat so I don’t blow away in the wind.

I’m thinking about setting up some personal counseling so I don’t have these lows so often. Or I can just wait for the spring to come which always brings me joy.

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go away


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Just over two weeks and it’s Spring at last! A time of year when the sun begins to creep from behind the clouds not only bringing brightness, which always makes it seem warmer, but really bringing warmth. While I  can’t wait for Summer I do appreciate the things that come with spring like the smell of moist warm earth, buds on trees, birds singing, buried paths resurfacing with an invitation to walk and smile at nature. My camera and I will make the best of that for sure. I have to admit the early part of spring can be rather dreary though with brown dead growth from the previous year and occasional snow shower with winter jabbing back as if out of jealousy.

In true Michigan fashion we will have one of more MAJOR snow storms before true celebration begins. Right now it’s 25F and windy with 3-5″ of snow expected by morning and more on the way. I’m not surprised but I am disappointed in this turn considering just two days ago we had a high of 50f. They say you can experience all the seasons in a single week here which is true.

I wish I could just sleep for the next month.

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find the time


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This is going to be a particularly busy week with work so I don’t know if I will have the time to hit the gym more than perhaps once during the week but I will make up for it on the weekend. Truthfully I could get to the gym in between jobs but I need to use the time for a nap so I don’t feel like crap by mid week. The good thing about these types of weeks is they go by fast and before you know it, it’s the weekend again. I’m particularly excited about this weekend as we’re going out on Saturday night, it’s been a while since we’ve been to the city for a night out.

Over the weekend I went to the gym with my wife and we both did workout #1 with some cardio. after. For me a mile was enough but she did three I think. Other than that eating has been good but I haven’t weighed myself in a few days. My weight has been about the same for at least three months and I expect it hasn’t changed so I’m not concerned with jumping on the scale.

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Improvised workout


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Today I was doing workout #3 but having a difficult time with some of the exercises. I think I overdid it in the beginning so by the time I got half way into the routine my arms were like noodles. As a result I had to grab some exercises from workout #2 which focus on the mid section, not so bad considering I was still able to get in a good workout.

It must be the weather, a few inches of snow last night, because there were hardly any people in the gym other than the usual crowd that probably wouldn’t miss for anything. Having fewer people in the gym works to my advantage as I don’t have to wait for benches or free weights. It’s a great gym but the area with dumbbells has only two incline benches and today there were three huge guys using one of them the whole time. These guys were pushing some serious fucking weight too.

Leaving the gym I was feeling pretty spent but craving some cardio. I have to admit there’s more satisfaction for me when I do HIIT than weight training. With weight training I often feel disappointed in what little weight I am able to pull but I know it’s just something that will take time and dedication to improve. I have to stick with it to see results. When I pulled in the driveway I decided to break out the snow shovel, something I NEVER do, and clean up the driveway and sidewalk. My neighbors will probably appreciate it and it was a little workout for me too. A win win I suppose but not something I plan to make a habit of.

I would love to make it up to the gym tomorrow for some HIIT but my schedule is so full I don’t think I will get the chance. Thursday I will continue my workout plan.

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working it out


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My eating has continued to be decent with an occasional treat but my weight remains at 155 which is good and bad. The good is I know I am not gaining fat but I’m also not gaining as much muscle as I would like. I was hoping to be up to around 163 by now with the gain being in muscle mass. This is mostly due to not working out as much as I should. The idea was to weight train three times a week and do HIIT once a week but it’s been more like lifting twice a week with HIIT happening next to never. I’ve never been good with maintaining a constant routine so I need to mix it up a little especially on those days I don’t want to go. 

This Saturday and Sunday my wife and I went to the gym together for some HIIT and damn it felt great! We were there for a short time, about 30 minutes with ten minutes of warm up and cool down, but left sweaty and definitely feeling like we got in a good workout. Really I’m not so focused on losing lots of fat so doing HIIT will be limited to once a week hopefully with my wife on the weekends.

Tomorrow I’m doing Workout #3 of the Growth Accelerator Workout which will put me on the schedule of Tuesday workout 3, Thursday workout 1 and Saturday or Sunday workout 2. As I predicted I’m finding myself getting tired of trying to get in good shape but I have a weapon that wasn’t available in the past which is my wife who is going at it strong and inspires me with her determination and how far she’s come in this lifestyle.

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buffet blues


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I’ve been trying to stay away from Asian style buffets considering there’s seldom anything healthy served and it’s difficult to find one around here with decent food. There’s a local spot that’s, in my opinion, particularly bad tasting but for some reason ends up in front of me at least twice a year. There’s never a time when I think, damn china king sounds good as hell right now, and in fact when I think of the place I curl my upper lip in disgust. 

Tonight was one of those nights I decided to give it another try and had a plan to stick with simple white rice, chicken and vegetables. Seriously, how can you fuck up something so simple? Walking up to the buffet the idea of actually enjoying myself crossed my mind until I reached the display of doom. The selection is always really limited to breaded and fried everything with one or two trays being somewhat healthy, I served myself a “normal” sized portion and began my effect eating. Sure enough it was bland and required a good amount of soy sauce to even remotely enjoy. My co-workers on the other hand had heaps of fried chicken and beef smothered in sweet-n-sour sauce which I have to admit look way better than what was on my plate. No matter, I wasn’t about to waste a bad/unhealthy meal on the likes of the stuff served in that place.

Being disappointed already was made all the worse by the sorry excuse for what they call coffee. Its one thing to serve cheap crummy coffee but to water it down is just taking it to another level of shit hole dinning. Even with two crèmes and two sugars it still tasted bad. Hell, with all the doctoring I did to this meal I should have just got a damn plate of sweet and sour chicken with fried rice, I’m so damn unsatisfied which can lead to really bad decisions like chocolate doughnuts from the machine down the hall. I’m not even going there.

In the end it serves me right for thinking it would somehow be different.