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Years have been spent coming to this spot. Sometimes I’d take one of the kids or a decent camera in an attempt to enjoy nature but for the most part I’ve come to this far away spot to worry. Sitting here I think about my problems where they would become mountains. I’ve sat here and felt hopeless, afraid, angry, sad and defeated so many times that it’s hard to walk this path without feeling at least one of those emotions or at least remembering what troubles I’ve faced and am facing.

This walk was different in that while I did use the bench to contemplate my worries I also have been aware of how I use this place that I claim to enjoy so much as a place of worry. I don’t want it to be that anymore; at least I don’t want it to be a place where I always go to worry. I want it to be a place where I feel connected with nature and not a battleground for my emotions. This time I decided not to fight my feelings or judge them. The air smelled different and I heard sounds I’d not noticed so much before.

Simple but then she can’t know the impact it has. Those feelings of doubt and fear are erased. The timing is perfect.

Matthaei Botanical Gardens

It was in the 30’s yesterday but the sun was shining bright. It’s funny how just seeing the sun makes if feel warmer than it really is.

This time of year is always bittersweet! Typically it brings a measure of sadness because I’m so fond of warmer months but then it also represents changes in life. We learn to accept changes we can’t control and hopefully move on better equipped. This year the change is again bittersweet. The flowers are all dead and it will be a while before I see them bloom again, already I can’t wait for that. With this year comes another change in my life and one that I will accept and use what I’ve learned. There’s something else blooming and it’s love.

When crossing a bridge I imagine the air will feel different on the other side and sometimes it does.

 This morning I reached the peak of a roof and stopped to take in the beauty of these trees.

“Good morning sweetie. How are you today?”

I looked at the text a few times and smiled before sending my reply. That was the first time.

When your marriage dies a long painful death you forget or at least pretend you don’t need certain things. Over time the idea of hearing or saying something kind seems unnecessary and fake. The truth is everyone wants to be told they’re appreciated and cared for.

“I’m doing good beautiful, how are you?” A sincere compliment to someone who thinks I’m ok, gives me a big hug whenever we meet, smiles and looks at me that way. I never forgot those things but I forgot how much I missed them.