Life

Life, Michigan, Nature, Photography

Vacant


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I’ve walked this path several times but never saw this nest. Usually the area is dense with vegetation so it’s not surprising. The nest was empty and I guess maybe the wasps went underground for the winter knowing it was time to vacate for the season. I don’t now anything about wasp habits, if they actually do go underground for the winter. The nest was a little damaged too so maybe an animal got into it looking for a snack.

Either way the occupants knew it was time to go. I kind of feel that way too. Things are a little empty and it just does not feel like it will work out. It’s strained and distant and being honest with myself it’s just not enough. I’m going to dig my heels in a push out of this empty thing in my life. I’ve come too far to allow this now.

Vacant

Life

Anxiety


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B&W

Have you seen my secret room?
Heart beats fast, worry sets in and I begin my dance. I know the steps well.
What do you think of my dance and does it frighten you?
My secret room exposed, flesh and bone no longer able to hide the fears I’ve nourished over the years.
Time to pull away and prepare for the loss I know it’s to come. But maybe it won’t. Or maybe it will.
It’s what I don’t know that hurts but I never know. The future teases me, the past torments.
My eyes finally close, my heart is just exhausted. For a few hours I’ve won
When I open my eyes my thoughts are waiting, they have been up all night but sleep isn’t important.
I find your hand once again extended and I can’t believe how lucky I am.
Why do you come back again?
Haven’t you seen my secret room?
Life

Photo Booth


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She rests her head on my shoulder as I put my arm around her. By the third photo booth shot I am kissing her. My heart melts and I never want the moment to end.

kiss

Life

Cloudy


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Window

It’s always there, waiting to rob me of the moment. It creeps into my thoughts right at the time when I should feel good about what’s happening. Rather than enjoying the moment I feel nervous and unsure then it takes over. My heart beats faster, my breathing quickens and the roller coaster is set into motion. When she hugs me I close my eyes and slow my breathing so I can at least enjoy that moment yet it’s still there. Anxiety gets the best of me and robs me again.

Life

BRB J/K


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You’re pretty and I’d like to hang out with to get to know you better but…

“Hey…wanted 2 say hi & c 4 the rest of the wk what ur eves r looking like..”

I had to read it a couple of times actually to determine you want to get together this week. That might be cool but I don’t know if I can get myself to reply to your text. Back in third grade I had a GF who smelled like milk. She was really pretty and we were a solid couple for at least a recess or two but the milk smell killed it for me. I found out later it was actually a type of cream she used that was edible too. I don’t remember all of the details but she brought some in for ‘show and tell’ one day and said it was used commonly in her native country though I don’t remember where she was from. She had porcelain skin so I guess it worked.

That was a long time ago and I’ve grown up in so many ways. Over the years I’ve learned that everyone has their quirks and we should appreciate our differences. I have this weird thing where I always wash my feet first when I take a shower. My ex had this weird thing where whenever she ate cucumber it made her hiccup. I swear it could be one little bite and the hiccups would start. It was funny and it didn’t cause the breakup. That proves I’ve grown in some ways.

Maybe with age I’ve become crabby and intolerant of things, even a little thing like the way someone texts. I’ll try to look past it but if we do date I can’t help but wonder if I’ll eventually break up with you because of the way you text? I guess in some ways I might still be that little asshole in third grade.

Family, Life, Memories, Nature, Photography

Time 


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I’ll remember this weekend for a long time. Spending g time with friends and family is something I cherish. Now that the day is winding down I find myself alone for a few hours. It’s during times like this that I find a quiet place to think.  

 

Divorce, Life, Michigan, Nature, Photography

Then one day the sadness is gone


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Fall
Fall Colors

You wake up each day feeling less sad. You think about your divorce less and you miss your ex less. The sadness starts to turn to indifference then it’s just a memory. That was a time in my life that has passed and nothing more. I no longer wish things were different or that I could somehow go back. Now I see it as a gift and opportunity to experience things I missed for so long.

Family, Life, Memories, Michigan, Photography, Vacation

Path


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There’s a place in West Michigan where I go as often as I can. Aside from the beauty there are the years of memories tied to this place. This year I visited four times with my kids, each time making new memories I won’t forget.

The path pictured leads to one of those places where I can stand and think back over the years. In my mind I can picture who I was with and it’s bittersweet to think about sometimes. Time changes things but the memories remain. I can go back and remember years past but more importantly I can make new memories that one day will be those bittersweet moments I remember.

Dune Grass
Dune Grass – Path to Lake Michigan
Divorce, Life, Memories, Photography

21st


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The boat has sunk. It wasn’t seaworthy for a long time but it still floated even years after it should have just allowed inevitable things to happen. Perhaps it’s commitment that keeps it afloat even when it’s sad and knows it should sink. It doesn’t know how to sink because it’s a boat and boat is supposed to stay topside always, no matter what.

When it finally gives in to disrepair and gravity, the water starts to trickle in. There’s a feeling of anxiety because this time the water is different, it won’t go away. Instead it pulls the boat down allowing more water to come in. The boat has no choice other than to allow the water in but there’s the old nature so it begins to struggle a little trying to stay afloat but soon enough it knows the struggle is futile.

My boat finally sunk on the 21st of this month. It stayed afloat for more years than it should have but I don’t regret any of those years, I’m glad for them. I’m also hopeful for what comes next. For me hope isn’t something you do while wishing on a star and waiting. For me hope is something you do while creating a path towards a better future. I’m on that path and the first few steps are looking good.

Boat in Water
abandoned boat