Am I a bastard?


Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong for not helping my mother as much as she asks for it. The help is financial always and often. I've been out of my house for a lifetime it seems but she still acts like I owe her something. She is my mother so I know I do owe something to her but the constant guilt trips are driving me crazy. This has been going on my entire adult life and worse is I believe I have every reason to hater her but I don't and even provide the financial help often.

Lately I've had access to her checking account so I can monitor her activity. Not to my surprise I see she spends a good amount of money of things she does not need, particularly fast food. I gave her money and she spend double that on fast food. How can she tell me she needs money for something important yet spend that and more on junk? Lately I've been taking a hard nosed approach to this and just really standing my ground. Today she called me asking for money and put her desperate twist on it AGAIN with threats of suicide. I told her that doesn't work anymore and I know she just pulls that card when she really wants her way.

Why the fuck do I have to deal with this my whole life. I feel like a bastard when I don't help her but I know she takes advantage of everyone who falls for her story. What's it like to have a normal mother?


  • I don’t know what it’s like to have a normal mother, but when my mom tried to guilt trip me into things I put my foot down and hard. You may be at that awkward point where you have to parent the parent. You’re 100% right that you should _not_ feel any guilt.

    Like a parent yourself, if you were to give in to her wishes you’re being an enabler – not a loyal relative.


  • I’ve done that too but it has little to do with her actually needing groceries. I worked out a budget for her but she sill overspends on things she doesn’t need like crap from catalogs etc. So when she runs out of money for the month there’s always something that comes up either the need for gas money, phone bill, tires for her car, insurance, etc. it just goes no and on. I could give her 50 today and she would be calling me for more in less than a week. A couple weeks ago she played the guilt trip and when I checked her account she had like 200 dollars in it. When I mentioned that she just changed the subject. Like vicar said I need to keep putting my foot down even if it makes me feel like a bastard. I don’t mind helping if it’s really needed but…


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