Month: August 2008

Growing up in a relatively violent and volatile environment I choose to become aggressive as a means to prevent being victimized or even being seen as a victim. Just acting tough or trying to look tough goes only so far but when you have the opportunity to show your power by physical altercations you can prove the look is in fact not just show. After expressing yourself aggressive you at least eliminate any question as to whether or not you are willing to defend your position. Unfortunately even though those around you know you will fight it still does not provide you the opportunity to show vulnerability because that would most certainly invite those around you to attempt to dominate you. Those who are dominated get to live out each day afraid of everyone and being targeted by everyone on the “chain of command.”

When and if a person is allowed to come out of that environment they probably won’t have the ability to switch off their “prison mentality” even if they exist in a non violent or threatening environment. Having learned the skill of survival has served them well for a long time and interacting with others in a vulnerable way isn’t even considered. Not being able to show vulnerability or carrying yourself in a threatening manner prevents others from getting close to you as one of the bases for forming friendships is showing vulnerability. If I meet someone and I sense they are venerable in whatever way it relaxes me and allows me to perhaps show a level of vulnerability. This practice is fairly new to me and I am learning to “let down my guard” knowing my environment is in fact safe and the people I know are not attempting to size me up and take advantage when the opportunity arises. 

Working PT sort of makes me feel irresponsible in an early adulthood kind of way. Just knowing I could be working a job some days and for a limited time makes me feel free from “the man” like I could just tell them to stick it if I want to. Well having much responsibility I know that’s not exactly the way I should handle myself but I do like the idea.

Prior to being presented with my papers I chatted for a while talking about family and life. When I said I had a day job I’d been hoping to devote more time to she let out a sigh of relief at knowing I at least had a backup plan. For her part she said it made the process a little easier knowing my ship probably won’t sink. She  congratulated me on my business ventures handed me my packet and sent me on my way.

It’s not the first time I’d seen jackfruit there but I just stayed away from it more out of fear of eating something from so far away it might not be fresh. This time there was an Indian woman standing there who gave us the how to of this odd looking fruit. She told me it was very sweet but you had to put oil on your hand when peeling it as it was very sticky. She also recommended we dip it in honey. 

Peeling the thing apart was not an easy task and just like she said it stuck to my hands with a sap that looked exactly like Elmer’s glue but with the staying power of rubber cement. Washing this stuff off with regular soap was pointless as it also had water resistant properties. Fortunately I had some GOOP which took it right off. It’s hard to compare the taste to anything but it had the texture of a firm onion with the taste of a cross between an orange and perhaps mango.

 My lawn is dead with clumps of growth anyway and cleaning the van before vacation seems silly after all. I want to be able to do nothing and enjoy it rather than feeling like I’m wasting time doing nothing.

I suppose I drink around five beers on the weekend which isn’t much really. Besides it’s rare that I actually drink enough to get drunk and in fact don’t care for being drunk at all. It’s the smooth buzz from two or three I enjoy.

In a few days we are heading up north for a weeks stay in a cottage on a lake and all I can picture is sitting out on the porch reading and drinking beer. Looking at the online photos I can’t tell if the place is somewhat secluded or if the lake is one of those Jet Ski speed boat types I can’t stand.

This weekend we went to Cedar Point for our annual visit which surprisingly to me was a really relaxing fun time. Usually I’m uptight and impatient but for whatever reason I liked being there besides the treacherous downpour a few of us got stuck in. Something I particularly noticed this visit is the large number of out of shape people ranging from really overweight to the oddly disproportionate shape of the kids. I’m not exaggerating when I say at least three out of five people were overweight. It was like fat day at the fun park or something.

First off I don’t want to come across as a bastard with little to no tolerance for overweight people, even though that’s partially true, but what I’m trying to explain is how I believe there is something very wrong with the way people today are so apparently unaware or unconcerned with their psychical well being. It almost seems like we have given up and allowed bad food choices and lack of exercise to just become an acceptable way of life. With adults I have little tolerance considering our ability to choose for the most part what we eat and whether or not we exercise. But when I see kids so out of shape and even in many cases with parents who are in better shape than they, I can only believe the parents are to blame once again for failing to provide a balanced diet and expectation to get off the couch and go outside to play.

Something else I would like to say is just because an article of clothing fits DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT! Seriously though I wondered if some of these people bothered to look in the mirror before stepping out the door.

In a way it was a wakeup call for me and my wife. Not that we are out of shape or overweight  but more so we realized the importance and need for good food choices and regular exercise not only for our own health but for our little ones too.

Reading over this I know it sounds insensitive and rude but hell that’s part of who I am.