Month: August 2008


save it

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You’ll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You’ll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I’m not braggin’ on myself, baby
But I’m the one who loves you
And there’s no one else! No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else

You’ll never find, it’ll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You’ll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I’m not tryin’ to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You are (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
You’re gonna miss my lovin’ (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
You’re gonna miss my lovin’ (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
You’re gonna miss, you’re gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
When it’s cold outside (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
You’re gonna miss, you’re gonna miss my lo-o-ove

You’ll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You’ll never see what you’ve found in me
You’ll keep searching and searching your whole life through

Whoa, I don’t wish you no bad luck, baby
But there’s no ifs and buts or maybes

(You’re gonna) You’re gonna miss (miss my lovin’)
You’re gonna miss my lovin’ (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
I know you’re gonna my lovin’ (you’re gonna miss my lovin’)
You’re gonna miss, you’re gonna miss my lo-o-ove


it’s good

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Having just finished a cup of the vending machine coffee I feel normal but this time it had a slippery texture to it like too much sugar was in the mix. It’s the only thing I’ll miss about this place. 

I’m thinking about watching Basket Case again tonight. 


When in Rome

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  Imagine what it must be like to be in prison and having to, in whatever way; adjust to your environment as a means of survival. While I’ve never been in prison I have seen shows on television showing how inmates interact, often following a chain of command even outside of the legal authority. This chain of command appears to often be related to gang relations or some form of power attained either by seniority or the ability to manage and control those around you. In this chain of command you have those who are aggressors and those who are victims. Typically the victims are the ones unable to adjust to their surrounding and are seen as a target. Of course there are those who manage to stick to themselves and probably can avoid trouble to some extent. Those who spend a certain amount of time in this environment are labeled as being “institutionalized” or having a “prison mentality.” The truth is these individuals have adjusted to survive which considering their environment isn’t a bad thing. 

Growing up in a relatively violent and volatile environment I choose to become aggressive as a means to prevent being victimized or even being seen as a victim. Just acting tough or trying to look tough goes only so far but when you have the opportunity to show your power by physical altercations you can prove the look is in fact not just show. After expressing yourself aggressive you at least eliminate any question as to whether or not you are willing to defend your position. Unfortunately even though those around you know you will fight it still does not provide you the opportunity to show vulnerability because that would most certainly invite those around you to attempt to dominate you. Those who are dominated get to live out each day afraid of everyone and being targeted by everyone on the “chain of command.”

When and if a person is allowed to come out of that environment they probably won’t have the ability to switch off their “prison mentality” even if they exist in a non violent or threatening environment. Having learned the skill of survival has served them well for a long time and interacting with others in a vulnerable way isn’t even considered. Not being able to show vulnerability or carrying yourself in a threatening manner prevents others from getting close to you as one of the bases for forming friendships is showing vulnerability. If I meet someone and I sense they are venerable in whatever way it relaxes me and allows me to perhaps show a level of vulnerability. This practice is fairly new to me and I am learning to “let down my guard” knowing my environment is in fact safe and the people I know are not attempting to size me up and take advantage when the opportunity arises. 



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Coming into work today I went into the conference room for the much anticipated meeting letting me know I am officially getting my severance package. Just as I’d heard my last day will be October 31 with an additional 22 weeks of pay. This is something I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time but to be honest it’s frightening to think of the unknown. Of course I will be doing the inspections still but will it be enough? While I really hope so I have to accept the possibility of having to acquire a PT job during the slow seasons.

Working PT sort of makes me feel irresponsible in an early adulthood kind of way. Just knowing I could be working a job some days and for a limited time makes me feel free from “the man” like I could just tell them to stick it if I want to. Well having much responsibility I know that’s not exactly the way I should handle myself but I do like the idea.

Prior to being presented with my papers I chatted for a while talking about family and life. When I said I had a day job I’d been hoping to devote more time to she let out a sigh of relief at knowing I at least had a backup plan. For her part she said it made the process a little easier knowing my ship probably won’t sink. She  congratulated me on my business ventures handed me my packet and sent me on my way.



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A benefit of living in a relatively diverse community is the opportunity to enjoy dishes from different cultures.  I’ve always taken the opportunity to try different types of food and have seldom been disappointed. Over the weekend we went to our local fruit market looking to stock up on some healthy options when I stopped at an area with an unusual looking fruit I’d never tried. 

It’s not the first time I’d seen jackfruit there but I just stayed away from it more out of fear of eating something from so far away it might not be fresh. This time there was an Indian woman standing there who gave us the how to of this odd looking fruit. She told me it was very sweet but you had to put oil on your hand when peeling it as it was very sticky. She also recommended we dip it in honey. 

Peeling the thing apart was not an easy task and just like she said it stuck to my hands with a sap that looked exactly like Elmer’s glue but with the staying power of rubber cement. Washing this stuff off with regular soap was pointless as it also had water resistant properties. Fortunately I had some GOOP which took it right off. It’s hard to compare the taste to anything but it had the texture of a firm onion with the taste of a cross between an orange and perhaps mango.


vacation time over


Typically after a week away from home I’m more than ready to be back in my own home, relaxing on my own couch, sleeping in my own bed and just getting back to the daily routine. This year however I would have been more than happy to have stayed on vacation an extra week to practice my main goal this year which was to try and relax. Being able to take it easy while on vacation has always been hard for me because of my inability to just let things be and not stress about the kids doing whatever or anything else I obsess over. Really it just takes away from the vacation and leaves me feeling drained. 

I’m not saying I took it easy the whole time but I was able to let things just go somewhat and enjoy the time away. I sure as hell wasn’t the stressed out angry vacationer I usually am. Part of not wanting to be back so soon was the fact that I was really having a good time doing next to nothing and actually being able to enjoy it. Each night I sat out on the little back porch off the water and enjoyed meat and beer followed by a dip in the hot tub. It was so recent I can still  picture it all so perfectly. The smell of pine trees and earth, chlorine in the hot tub and sound of the wind. Playing cheesy mindless puzzle games with my wife and cooking together was nice. I can’t think of anything I didn’t like about this vacation even down to the smelly little country road restaurant we stopped at on the way home.


lazy bastard

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Other than work right now I didn’t have anything I had to do today. Knowing this I thought it might be a good day to get outside for some lawn mowing and bush trimming followed by a good vehicle cleaning. Waking up though I sat around and procrastinated the whole day thinking about what I should do rather than how nice it was doing nothing. I think my therapist told me it’s good to put off some things in an attempt to be comfortable with not doing them. Being at work and doing nothing somehow seems alright though which is probably due to the fact that I’m getting paid so it’s not a total wash.

 My lawn is dead with clumps of growth anyway and cleaning the van before vacation seems silly after all. I want to be able to do nothing and enjoy it rather than feeling like I’m wasting time doing nothing.



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I almost never drink beer during the week. It’s always been a weekend treat for me but last Wednesday I was at home and decided to have a beer. It was delicious not just because I was thirsty but it satisfied that need. Sometimes I wonder if craving beer means I’m craving alcohol making me an alcoholic. When I think about alcohol free varieties I think no. Beer is like coffee to me in that I enjoy how they taste and make me feel. 

I suppose I drink around five beers on the weekend which isn’t much really. Besides it’s rare that I actually drink enough to get drunk and in fact don’t care for being drunk at all. It’s the smooth buzz from two or three I enjoy.

In a few days we are heading up north for a weeks stay in a cottage on a lake and all I can picture is sitting out on the porch reading and drinking beer. Looking at the online photos I can’t tell if the place is somewhat secluded or if the lake is one of those Jet Ski speed boat types I can’t stand.


something’s wrong

I’ve heard it said for quite a while now that our youth is a generation of lazy overweight kids. Thinking back to my childhood I know I played my share of video games on the Nintendo but I remember spending most of my time outside running loose like a wild animal. Meals were generally basic in nature and I won’t say we always ate a balanced diet but fast food and snacks were a rare treat far from the norm.

This weekend we went to Cedar Point for our annual visit which surprisingly to me was a really relaxing fun time. Usually I’m uptight and impatient but for whatever reason I liked being there besides the treacherous downpour a few of us got stuck in. Something I particularly noticed this visit is the large number of out of shape people ranging from really overweight to the oddly disproportionate shape of the kids. I’m not exaggerating when I say at least three out of five people were overweight. It was like fat day at the fun park or something.

First off I don’t want to come across as a bastard with little to no tolerance for overweight people, even though that’s partially true, but what I’m trying to explain is how I believe there is something very wrong with the way people today are so apparently unaware or unconcerned with their psychical well being. It almost seems like we have given up and allowed bad food choices and lack of exercise to just become an acceptable way of life. With adults I have little tolerance considering our ability to choose for the most part what we eat and whether or not we exercise. But when I see kids so out of shape and even in many cases with parents who are in better shape than they, I can only believe the parents are to blame once again for failing to provide a balanced diet and expectation to get off the couch and go outside to play.

Something else I would like to say is just because an article of clothing fits DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT! Seriously though I wondered if some of these people bothered to look in the mirror before stepping out the door.

In a way it was a wakeup call for me and my wife. Not that we are out of shape or overweight  but more so we realized the importance and need for good food choices and regular exercise not only for our own health but for our little ones too.

Reading over this I know it sounds insensitive and rude but hell that’s part of who I am. 


fish food

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You know this is actually a good idea. With the cost of a funeral and unnecessary rituals surrounding a death I think we should all consider this kind of alternative. For me I would like my ashes spread out on the shores of Lake Michigan along Lake Shore Drive in Ludington. Or just some random corn field.

TAUNTON, England, Aug. 6 (UPI) — The family of a deceased Puriton, England, fisherman said the angler’s dying wish has been fulfilled — his remains were turned into bait.


The family of Pete Hodge, who died last month at the age of 61, said the fisherman made plans for his cremated remains to be turned into fish food after he was diagnosed with terminal motor neuron disease, The Daily Mail reported Wednesday.

Hodge’s widow, Caroline, said her husband’s ashes were mixed with a special ground bait for his friends and family to use while fishing in the River Huntspill.

“Pete always said that when he died he wanted his ashes to be mixed in with ground bait,” Caroline Hodge said. “He wanted the fish to gobble him up so he could swim up and down the river after his death.”

“When he got ill a couple of years ago, he put it in writing that that was what he wanted,” she said. “Everything that he wished for was done right down to the last detail.”

addthis_pub = ‘upi’;