Month: July 2008

Uncategorized

always looking back


No Comments

My head hurts. Going home for lunch I thought about taking something for it then hit me! I’ve gone most of the day without coffee, that’s it! So really I know I’ve got problems with the coffee thing when I need it this bad. Right now I’m enjoying a delicious Michigan Cherry blend we got from Biggby’s coffe shop. It’s delicious with a smooth deep flavor and that hint of cherries reminds me…

Standing at the top of the hill overlooking  the shacks or “outhouses” as I referred to them, the lodging at the migrant worker living areas, we were throwing rocks down at the metal roofs seeing who could make the loudest thud when suddenly my brother stands in the way of my attempt. The sound the rock made when it hit the side of his head was a thud/smack which still makes me tighten my butt hole at the thought of how much it must have hurt. Grabbing his head he was greeted halfway down the hill by our dad who was pissed that we were throwing rocks AND because one of us got hurt. The sound of the newspaper against his head was a sharp smack sound which I’m sure was secondary to the pain he was already in. While I don’t remember exactly how bad the damage was I know it must not have been deep enough for stitches or anything as I know I would have remembered that.

Picking these dark cherries I would always stuff my face, they were just so good I couldn’t stop. If you’ve never eaten an extraordinary amount of cherries lets just say it acts as a wonderful laxative, for the next couple days. Knowing this each year I would happily repeat the process. Thinking back now I feel guilty for my lack of work ethics considering those we stayed with did it for a living and went without simple things I thought/think are important like a kitchen floor made out of anything but dirt. Or being able to go get a drink out of my sink instead of the pump outside. 

Uncategorized

man what’s up with your eyes?


No Comments

Had one of those weird lucid or vivid dreams last night involving a childhood friend and my old neighborhood. Growing up I had these monkey bars and wooden bench behind the townhouse where we used to hang out almost daily talking shit and telling lies. One of my friends Matt used to get these headaches and I could always tell these were some monster headaches because he would be moving slow and talking really low with this look on his face like his nuts were in a vice or something. Man my head is starting to hurt thinking about it. I swear headaches are all about mind control.

 So last night I was dreaming we were all hanging out in the back yard with Matt sitting on the bench complaining about a headache. Everything seemed so real and things I thought I’d forgotten were in this dream like the way my crazy ass mom would plant mustard greens between our back porch and air conditioner. It’s not like it was even a good spot to plant stuff with about a 3×5 foot space and these big bushy ass greens crammed between the condensing unit, our porch and the back wall. I think this next part happened because I was thinking about zombies yesterday. 

While holding his head and looking down Matt just like got really bad and looking up his eyes were completely tan all over just like a zombie. Being scared as hell of zombies I immediately tried to call the police but couldn’t remember that number, you know 911? When I find myself in this type of situation, in a dream, shit like that always happens. If I’m fighting my arms are suddenly like noodles or if trying to run it’s like my legs are tied together at the knees. Luckily for me he didn’t turn into a zombie though but I keep thinking about how real it seemed and those EYES!

Uncategorized

soft wood


No Comments

Solid beams? We don’t need no stinkin’ solid beams.

Came across this today in a basement of a 90 year old home. Main beams were cut throughout and soft from decay.

Uncategorized

food for anger and that other thing


No Comments
Anger was at one time a common emotion with me for much of the day and sometimes just my day period. I’m not sure when it happened but somewhere down the road not only did I accept it but welcomed it as a positive trait which fueled me, giving me a sense of accomplishment and control. When I am angry it typically precedes feelings of fear or doubt which are emotions involving a minimized level of control. So when the fear or doubt entered they had to be swallowed up by the anger. Really trying to pinpoint the cause of certain emotions has to be a careful balance as I don’t want to over analyze these natural emotions resulting in my hiding my emotions in general. I know that can happen but dealing with anger specifically is something I’ve had to take on. 

My anger issues have decreased dramatically by learning there are other options when dealing with various emotions. Instead of just assuming doubt and fear have to be eliminated I now try to listen to them and make a decision as to whether or not they are valid for that particular situation or being magnified as I try hard to ignore them all together. After all, like I said, these are all natural emotions we have with each serving a purpose.

This past weekend sitting around doing absolutely nothing I found myself just unable to enjoy the fact I didn’t have to do anything. Having a day like that is something I always look forward to but when it arrives I feel anxious as if there’s something I should be doing I could consider productive. Instead of just sitting back I might pace the floor, tap my fingers or have a million thoughts running around my head with things I probably should do like cut the lawn, paint the deck, clean the basement, paint the fence, clean the garage and trust me I could go on forever with what I think I should be doing. It’s one thing to have to deal with this in the way it affects me but I know those around me see it too. That look on my face could probably be interpreted several ways leaving one guessing. The look isn’t anger but a look of, “what am I supposed to be doing right now?”

Uncategorized

yummy


No Comments

My new favorite sauce is coconut curry. Had it with scallops and a couple days later with beef. Being a huge fan of coconut this is right up my alley. I’m not sure how my wife made it but it seemed simple enough.