Day: July 23, 2008

Third day of the week and I can’t seem to snap out of this funk. Made some bad choices this weekend which I feel terrible for but I can’t let it do this to me. What I need to do is stop it in its tracks and push forward. My mind doctor told me it’s unfortunate but not the end of the world, I tend to agree. If nothing else I’ve learned from it and at least know what not to do when. Sitting here in my cube bored out of my mind with six hours to go it’s hard to take that step just this second. 

Tomorrow it’s pancakes for breakfast and a trip with the kiddies to the botanical gardens for some much needed outside air.

While I don’t consider myself anything close to being an alcoholic I do know given the right mix of company and alcohol I am prone to having little to no control of what I think or say. The most unreasonable ridiculous thing I can muster up in my twisted mind will seem to me like an almost certainty building steam as it festers. Unfortunately once I reach that point I’m like an unreasonable fool letting the flood gates open. Even in that froth of madness I know I’m being a fool but I just can’t stop. It’s like, “sure I know this is fucked up but it’s what I feel so I’m saying it anyway.” Even to the point where I am angry with my inability to just shut the fuck up already.

Waking up the next morning to that realization is the absolute worse case of “damn I blew it” I’ve experienced. So what’s a fella to do? Stop drinking? Hell no I like my stout and amber beers but I do know it has to be in the right place at the right time. I’m finished with those shitty morning afters. Totally not worth it and completely unacceptable.