food for anger and that other thing

Anger was at one time a common emotion with me for much of the day and sometimes just my day period. I’m not sure when it happened but somewhere down the road not only did I accept it but welcomed it as a positive trait which fueled me, giving me a sense of accomplishment and control. When I am angry it typically precedes feelings of fear or doubt which are emotions involving a minimized level of control. So when the fear or doubt entered they had to be swallowed up by the anger. Really trying to pinpoint the cause of certain emotions has to be a careful balance as I don’t want to over analyze these natural emotions resulting in my hiding my emotions in general. I know that can happen but dealing with anger specifically is something I’ve had to take on. 

My anger issues have decreased dramatically by learning there are other options when dealing with various emotions. Instead of just assuming doubt and fear have to be eliminated I now try to listen to them and make a decision as to whether or not they are valid for that particular situation or being magnified as I try hard to ignore them all together. After all, like I said, these are all natural emotions we have with each serving a purpose.

This past weekend sitting around doing absolutely nothing I found myself just unable to enjoy the fact I didn’t have to do anything. Having a day like that is something I always look forward to but when it arrives I feel anxious as if there’s something I should be doing I could consider productive. Instead of just sitting back I might pace the floor, tap my fingers or have a million thoughts running around my head with things I probably should do like cut the lawn, paint the deck, clean the basement, paint the fence, clean the garage and trust me I could go on forever with what I think I should be doing. It’s one thing to have to deal with this in the way it affects me but I know those around me see it too. That look on my face could probably be interpreted several ways leaving one guessing. The look isn’t anger but a look of, “what am I supposed to be doing right now?”