Years have been spent coming to this spot. Sometimes I’d take one of the kids or a decent camera in an attempt to enjoy nature but for the most part I’ve come to this far away spot to worry. Sitting here I think about my problems where they would become mountains. I’ve sat here and felt hopeless, afraid, angry, sad and defeated so many times that it’s hard to walk this path without feeling at least one of those emotions or at least remembering what troubles I’ve faced and am facing.
This walk was different in that while I did use the bench to contemplate my worries I also have been aware of how I use this place that I claim to enjoy so much as a place of worry. I don’t want it to be that anymore; at least I don’t want it to be a place where I always go to worry. I want it to be a place where I feel connected with nature and not a battleground for my emotions. This time I decided not to fight my feelings or judge them. The air smelled different and I heard sounds I’d not noticed so much before.
Well that was quick! Colder days already. It never lasts long enough.
I’ve walked this path several times but never saw this nest. Usually the area is dense with vegetation so it’s not surprising. The nest was empty and I guess maybe the wasps went underground for the winter knowing it was time to vacate for the season. I don’t now anything about wasp habits, if they actually do go underground for the winter. The nest was a little damaged too so maybe an animal got into it looking for a snack.
Either way the occupants knew it was time to go. I kind of feel that way too. Things are a little empty and it just does not feel like it will work out. It’s strained and distant and being honest with myself it’s just not enough. I’m going to dig my heels in a push out of this empty thing in my life. I’ve come too far to allow this now.
The weather this winter hasn’t been too bad but the lack of sunshine gets me down so when we have days like today I like to take advantage of it. The trails at Parker Mill park were soggy but it was worth being out.